Worried about someone?

There may be signs to look out for, but we humans are good at masking our feelings so that's why it's important we raise awareness in our communities. 

Signs of Suicide

In real life there are the ones you’ll maybe know:

• Talking about wanting to die
• Extreme mood swings
• Drinking more than they usually do
• Self-harm*

But there are also subtle ones too:

•  Getting easily annoyed or frustrated 
• Not looking after their hygiene or personal appearance
• Withdrawing from texts or social gatherings
• Giving away possession

But remember, sometimes you’ll see none of the above. So if you ever suspect someone is struggling, trust your gut and reach out to them. 

The Words: How to start a conversation

Let them know you’re there. Don’t worry about finding the perfect words – there’s no right or wrong, just let them know they have your support.  

Yeah, it might be awkward at first but it could also be the most important conversation you ever have - and we’ve got loads of practical tips to help.

Do:

• allow them time to talk
• ask questions like “how does that make you feel?” 
• reassure them that these feelings aren’t permanent and support is available. 

Don’t 

• try and fix things
• pretend to know how they feel
• convince them how lucky they are. 

The Support: Where to direct them if they’re struggling  

You don’t have to have all the answers. If someone is struggling, the best thing to do is let them know they can always speak to an expert and that support is available right now if they need it.

Our advice is that if you have tried a service and it just wasn't for you, try another and another and another...

If you're feeling like you can't see a reason to keep safe or are having thoughts of wanting to die, it's important to tell someone.

Help and support is available right now if you need it. You do not have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.

These free helplines are there to help when you're feeling down or desperate.

Unless it says otherwise, they're open 24 hours a day, every day.

You can also call these helplines for advice if you’re worried about someone else.

Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM)
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page

Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number will not show up on your phone bill

SOS Silence of Suicide – for everyone
Call 0300 1020 505 – 4pm to midnight every day
Email support@sossilenceofsuicide.org

YoungMinds Parents Helpline:  0808 802 5544

www.youngminds.org.uk 

Crisis Messenger

The Mix

Helpline:  0808 808 4994

www.themix.org.uk 

If you do not want to talk to someone over the phone, this text line is open 24 hours a day, every day.

Shout Crisis Text Line – for everyone

Text "SHOUT" to 85258

Online platform

Kooth.com

www.kooth.com 

Kooth.com is an online counselling service that provides vulnerable young people, between the ages of 11 and 25, with advice and support for emotional or mental health problems.  Kooth.com offers users a free, confidential, safe and anonymous way to access help.  

The Mix

www.themix.org.uk 

Let family or friends know what's going on for you. They may be able to offer support and help keep you safe.

There's no right or wrong way to talk about suicidal feelings – starting the conversation is what's important.

If you find it difficult to talk to someone you know, you could:

• call a GP – ask for an emergency appointment
• call 111 out of hours – they will help you find the support and help you need
• contact your mental health crisis team – most areas have a 'safe haven' 'crisis cafe' or 'sanctuary hub' type these words in google and your region. 

If you have seriously harmed yourself – for example, by taking a drug overdose – or you feel that you may be about to harm yourself, call 999 for an ambulance or go straight to A&E.

Or ask someone else to call 999 or take you to A&E.

• try not to think about the future – just focus on getting through the next minute , 5 minutes, the hour. 
• stay away from drugs and alcohol
• get yourself to a safe place, like a friend's house
• be around other people
• do something you usually enjoy, such as spending time with a pet

If you're worried about someone, try to get them to talk to you. Ask open-ended questions like: "How do you feel about...?"

Do not worry about having the answers. Just listening to what someone has to say and taking it seriously can be more helpful.  

Violet Projects Top Eight tips to talking about mental health 

Sometimes it will seem obvious when someone is going through a hard time because they are talking about it, they may cry, get angry etc. Sometimes the signs are not as obvious because the person may be withdrawn, quiet and stops replying to texts or cancels plans. Either way we need to check in with them and see how we can support them. Here is some advice:

1. Set time aside with no distractions

It is important to provide an open and non-judgmental space with no distractions. Maybe a coffee or walk away from loud noise and lots of people. 

2. Let them share as much or as little as they want to

Let them lead the discussion at their own pace. Don’t put pressure on them to tell you anything they aren’t ready to talk about. Talking can take a lot of trust and courage. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to about this.

3. Don't try to diagnose or second guess their feelings

You probably aren’t a medical expert and, while you may be happy to talk and offer support, you aren’t a trained counsellor. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in too quickly with fixing things. You won’t be able to ‘fix’ their problems and it’s important that you realise that. Yes, you can offer advice around services that can support them, ie abuse, drug, debt organisations etc. 

4. Keep questions open ended

Say "Why don’t you tell me how you are feeling?" rather than "I can see you are feeling very low". Try to keep your language neutral. 

Give the person time to answer and try not to grill them with too many questions.

5. Talk about self-care

Talk about ways of de-stressing or practicing self-care and ask if they find anything helpful. Exercising, having a healthy diet and getting a good night’s sleep can help protect mental health and sustain well being. We sometimes forget how this can have such a huge impact on our well being.

6. Listen carefully to what they tell you

Repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it. You don’t have to agree with what they are saying, but by showing you understand how they feel, you are letting them know you respect their feelings. Acknowledge what they have said and support “I'm really sorry you're going through this” “That sounds really difficult.”

7. Offer them help in seeking professional support and provide information on ways to do this

Ask them “What can I do to help?" You might want to offer to go the GP with them, or calling a support line or even help them talk to a friend or family member. You could also go along and support them with the first contact with services relating to their needs, ie abuse, drug, debt organisations etc. Try not to take control and allow them to make decisions.

8. Know your limits

You will have your own limits to the support that you can provide. And it's important to take care of yourself too. Give yourself time to rest and process what they have told you or what’s happened. Try to help them create a support network of other friends, relatives and mental health professionals who can help them too.

Remember that If you believe they are in immediate danger or they have injuries that need medical attention, you need to take urgent action to make sure they are safe. Confidentiality needs to be broken when we are talking about life and death. 

If you struggle with suicidal thoughts or are supporting someone else, it may help to make a safety plan to use if you need it:

• the Staying Safe website provides information on how to make a safety plan, including video tutorials and online templates to guide you through the process
• Download our safetyplan free from the resource page

* Not everyone who Self-harms is thinking of suicide- however it is a big factor in many suicides , so we do need to acknowledge this.